Lullaby

Dwi sayang...

Kemarin-kemarin saya sudah cerita, kalau setiap malam ulang tahun saya selalu menuliskan sesuatu, entah curhatan, harapan, semacam kaleidoskop, impian yang sudah tercapai, atau sekedar surat tidak bertuan, seperti Charlie.

Sudah tanggal 25, berarti mundur dua hari dari jadwal reguler selama ini menuliskan birthday note.

I haven't re-read them all. Pulang kantor saya sudah tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa, tidur kadang masih pakai seragam. I miss those moments kita di kosan, ngobrol-ngobrol, Ara masih di perut, atau Ara sementara nenen, dan kita berhadapan di depan tv yang menyiarkan pertandingan Piala Eropa. And in the morning I made you breakfast, nasi goreng yang ternyata pakai bumbu instan hahaha.

Like C.C. Lewis said, betapa kita menjalani hari yang terasa sama setiap hari, tapi saat menoleh kembali, betapa banyak hal yang berubah. That is why, I end up thinking, betapa tidak bijaknya menuntut seseorang untuk stay the same. The world is spinning, with new breathe, new circumstances, new stories.

Even myself. You always told me to walking off.. Not to be attached too much with the past. It's a strange pull Dwi. Takes away everything, my pulse, my blood pressure, heartbeat, my nights, my conscious mind. And in the name of love, seemed I can never let go.

As Amelia Brand said, ketika membicarakan cinta di space ship di tengah keheningan galaksi tak berpenghuni, bahwa sesuatu yang tidak bisa dipahami seperti cinta, belum tentu ia tidak ada, Ia ada tapi keterbatasan kita memaknai menjadikannya terdengar sebagai lelucon, jauh dari akal sehat. Love is like gravity that transcends time and space. I shed tears when she said love is observable. That love is something that we can touch.. Just like when Ara covered and kissed you saying good night...

Mother Teresa asked us to have faith on small things, because is it in them the strength lies. I feel that strength that keeps me walking. Though I'm getting older, but I believe you wouldn't be the ones who said I was wasting my time. You know I am free will thinker but, detik demi detik yang terus berlalu selalu membawaku pada keyakinan jika semuanya saling berhubungan. Believing in destiny sometimes makes me weak, I don't deserve good things happen to me. But I hope it doesn't make me give in...

Sebagai penutup, saya sisipkan potongan lirik dari Rogue Valley, The Wolves and The Ravens. The only song in my mobile phone. Listening to it as many as I can. Pretty much boost my mood and takes me to another kind of air....

"When my hands are old and ache
And my memory flickers dim
And my bones don’t hold my skin
There’s no place I haven’t been

I recall the days were few
That is all that I can do
Feel the carvings in the tree
That gives shade for you and me..."

Love always,


Emma