"Keadaan ini sangat menghancurkanku..."
(Gigi - Romansa yang Hilang)
24 October 2014
A Short Story for Mei
"Don't get too tired..."
"Thanks for caring me darlin'"
"My pleasure my dear..."
I feel like I'm too young saying the latest line. But I just let go, meski cuma di "R" dan tidak ada pesan selanjutnya. Rarely saja rasanya. Kemarin-kemarin hobinya berlalu. Reading that 'thanks' made all my efforts and most of them disappointment worthwhile. Like I could not ask for more, even 'sorry' for what has been done through. I remember his similar text, far away last year's January.
"I love to stare at your tired face..."
I supposed to text him that, I didn't. Just too afraid I might sound too drama atau dibuat-buat. Meski sebenarnya memang seperti itu. I could wait to see his pale face, sort of emptiness in his sight tapi masih ada sisa tenaga untuk sekedar membalas senyumku. Then I remember again the early days, used to send him 'safe flight, may the weather calm itself for you'. Padahal cuma alasan biar bisa tahu kabar dan di ujung chat berdebar-debar menunggu ia mengirimkan icon kiss ditambah 'for your eyebrow'. Missing those times desperately.
And sometimes I'm losing him. But as Dr Seuss said, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Today, like Sam smiled secretly after reading Charlie's Christmas card, I can't stop staring at my cellphone.
"Thanks for caring me darlin'"
"My pleasure my dear..."
I feel like I'm too young saying the latest line. But I just let go, meski cuma di "R" dan tidak ada pesan selanjutnya. Rarely saja rasanya. Kemarin-kemarin hobinya berlalu. Reading that 'thanks' made all my efforts and most of them disappointment worthwhile. Like I could not ask for more, even 'sorry' for what has been done through. I remember his similar text, far away last year's January.
"I love to stare at your tired face..."
I supposed to text him that, I didn't. Just too afraid I might sound too drama atau dibuat-buat. Meski sebenarnya memang seperti itu. I could wait to see his pale face, sort of emptiness in his sight tapi masih ada sisa tenaga untuk sekedar membalas senyumku. Then I remember again the early days, used to send him 'safe flight, may the weather calm itself for you'. Padahal cuma alasan biar bisa tahu kabar dan di ujung chat berdebar-debar menunggu ia mengirimkan icon kiss ditambah 'for your eyebrow'. Missing those times desperately.
And sometimes I'm losing him. But as Dr Seuss said, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Today, like Sam smiled secretly after reading Charlie's Christmas card, I can't stop staring at my cellphone.
Dear Iqko,
Just read your blog and finally notice there is one for me :D my bad. How's life? I heard it’s already Fall in Stockholm. don’t blow! But one of your picture moved me to write this. You know I always loved to walking down the streets. Often I wish to be a street photographer. Looking at the pic, I keep imagining, kita berjalan across the zebra cross, lalu lalang orang-orang dengan pakaian tebal membungkus tubuh, lalu kita mengencangkan jaket as the wind blows and the leaves will slowly hit the ground. Then stopping by di salah satu cafĂ© nearby, drinking coffee and talking bout favorite books and movies, or maybe complaining about the weather and how much we miss home. We started to remember anything back then. And I can hear your typical laughter.
Makassar belum turun hujan juga, padahal ini sudah Oktober. Hapal lho saya jadwal musim hujan di Makassar tahun-tahun kemarin #ihik. Yes, it suppose to be raining now. But, jika pun harus datang terlambat tidak mengapa. Beberapa hari lalu, waktu akan menjenguk Abah di Grestelina, saya mampir di gerobak pisang peppe depan rumah sakit. Saya bertanya apakah tetap jualan kalau misalnya hujan. Iya mbak, nanti dipasangin tenda biar tetap bisa jualan, katanya. Tidak kebayang repotnya seperti gimana, tapi, it becomes one of many reasons to be thankful. Malam itu abang penjual tampak sangat bahagia dengan aktivitasnya. Yes, life doesn't stop no matter how hard it is.
By the way, kemarin buku pesanan dari Periplus tiba. Damn Periplus bikin kantong bengkak huaaaaa.. I bought Harper Lee's To Kill A Mocking Bird, dan satunya lagi buku buat hadiah ultah teman di bulan November. Damn Periplus juga saya jadi malas baca buku terjemahan sekarang... Takut nda dapat soulnya #halah.
I read Harper Lee's because Anderson in The Perks of Being Wallflower told Charlie it was a masterpiece. See, I'm getting absurd again :D I love the movie, 24 times and still counting. We know how much I've been moved by how many scenes I pretend I am. Considering bout what happened to my admission, I think I am Sam now, the one who failed SAT but eventually made her moving on and did it. Hope I will too, amin. For a misty morning in Praha yes.
I envy your readings actually, like I miss classroom again. Enjoy it, hard maybe but, seperti kata orang bijak sebuah berlian akan menghasilkan pantulan cahaya sempurna jika dia diasah sedemikian rupa. And you will be coming home a different person. Please remember that, as Kak Syam once said, malaikat melebarkan sayapnya menaungi seseorang yang menuntut ilmu. I hope this one works when you're feeling down.
Looking forward to receive your postcard and the oak's leaves.
Stay healthy and I wont forgive you if you're not tagging me a gig you've been to hahaha :D
Love always,
Emma
Just read your blog and finally notice there is one for me :D my bad. How's life? I heard it’s already Fall in Stockholm. don’t blow! But one of your picture moved me to write this. You know I always loved to walking down the streets. Often I wish to be a street photographer. Looking at the pic, I keep imagining, kita berjalan across the zebra cross, lalu lalang orang-orang dengan pakaian tebal membungkus tubuh, lalu kita mengencangkan jaket as the wind blows and the leaves will slowly hit the ground. Then stopping by di salah satu cafĂ© nearby, drinking coffee and talking bout favorite books and movies, or maybe complaining about the weather and how much we miss home. We started to remember anything back then. And I can hear your typical laughter.
Makassar belum turun hujan juga, padahal ini sudah Oktober. Hapal lho saya jadwal musim hujan di Makassar tahun-tahun kemarin #ihik. Yes, it suppose to be raining now. But, jika pun harus datang terlambat tidak mengapa. Beberapa hari lalu, waktu akan menjenguk Abah di Grestelina, saya mampir di gerobak pisang peppe depan rumah sakit. Saya bertanya apakah tetap jualan kalau misalnya hujan. Iya mbak, nanti dipasangin tenda biar tetap bisa jualan, katanya. Tidak kebayang repotnya seperti gimana, tapi, it becomes one of many reasons to be thankful. Malam itu abang penjual tampak sangat bahagia dengan aktivitasnya. Yes, life doesn't stop no matter how hard it is.
By the way, kemarin buku pesanan dari Periplus tiba. Damn Periplus bikin kantong bengkak huaaaaa.. I bought Harper Lee's To Kill A Mocking Bird, dan satunya lagi buku buat hadiah ultah teman di bulan November. Damn Periplus juga saya jadi malas baca buku terjemahan sekarang... Takut nda dapat soulnya #halah.I read Harper Lee's because Anderson in The Perks of Being Wallflower told Charlie it was a masterpiece. See, I'm getting absurd again :D I love the movie, 24 times and still counting. We know how much I've been moved by how many scenes I pretend I am. Considering bout what happened to my admission, I think I am Sam now, the one who failed SAT but eventually made her moving on and did it. Hope I will too, amin. For a misty morning in Praha yes.
I envy your readings actually, like I miss classroom again. Enjoy it, hard maybe but, seperti kata orang bijak sebuah berlian akan menghasilkan pantulan cahaya sempurna jika dia diasah sedemikian rupa. And you will be coming home a different person. Please remember that, as Kak Syam once said, malaikat melebarkan sayapnya menaungi seseorang yang menuntut ilmu. I hope this one works when you're feeling down.
Looking forward to receive your postcard and the oak's leaves.
Stay healthy and I wont forgive you if you're not tagging me a gig you've been to hahaha :D
Love always,
Emma
23 October 2014
Dwi,
I know you dont like the rain, but here I'm missing it too much. Yesterday I went home earlier than ever and ever. In the last three days, sun burns, drew my migraine and I had a sudden fever. I only told my boss, who've I already did two days ago, when I was asked to participate as committee for Makassar's celebration on our new president inauguration. I messed up.
Isn't it weird, it's almost November but the rain hasn't showed yet. Apparently I'm not the only one in this office who noticed. Let's call it a little happiness, you know, when somebody makes you feel you're not alone :D
By the way, I didn't make it to Amsterdam. I got the letter of offer, but not for the subject I applied for. They offered me a prepatory program as a condition before joining the research program. I haven't replied the message, and I missed IELTS test last month. The university must receive the result due to 31 October. Guess, I failed again this time honey. But don't give up on me. Help me believe that I will make it somewhere else.
And today I planned going home by tomorrow night. Kila, daughter of Kak Accank just had her birthday. Gotta find her gift yes :D most of all, perhaps, to recharge...
Come home immediately, please. Lots of story to tell.
Love always,
Emma
I know you dont like the rain, but here I'm missing it too much. Yesterday I went home earlier than ever and ever. In the last three days, sun burns, drew my migraine and I had a sudden fever. I only told my boss, who've I already did two days ago, when I was asked to participate as committee for Makassar's celebration on our new president inauguration. I messed up.
Isn't it weird, it's almost November but the rain hasn't showed yet. Apparently I'm not the only one in this office who noticed. Let's call it a little happiness, you know, when somebody makes you feel you're not alone :D
 |
And today I planned going home by tomorrow night. Kila, daughter of Kak Accank just had her birthday. Gotta find her gift yes :D most of all, perhaps, to recharge...
Come home immediately, please. Lots of story to tell.
Love always,
Emma
19 October 2014
Dwi sayang,
Kalo sudah cek di twitter, pasti sudah tau kenapa saya menuliskan ini untukmu. Semoga kabarmu baik. I started get bad again...
Tadi sempat lihat di Path ka riza dan Instagram ka jun... Kangennya setengah mati. But more than that, I miss our conversations, staring at the ceiling and spelling curses upon our 'you know who' :D
By the way... I am at pizza hut wrote this. I used to think food is the answer to every problem. Tonight I think drinking my all time favourite drink 'green tea shake' and hot lasagna could bring me some peace of mind.
I'm with Ilham, the only 'blood' brother I have around. Like every meet up, we dont talk much, bit awkward. Maybe I'm the one who keep the silence too much. Randomly he told me that last week he made a presentation in his '20th century literatures' class. Suprisingly, he know much about New World Order, you know maybe some kind of conspiracy theories. He should be friends with Matt Bellamy :D
Moreover, thankfully that I dont have to talk bout myself because I dont really want to, he told me about his favourite writer. Guess what, he loves JRR. Tolkien's Lord of the rings, though he hasn't read the whole saga. In the end I let him know that I'm deeply in love with Fitzgerald's Great Gatsby. He shrugged, katanya belum pernah baca hahaha.
He's on his way to final thesis. He keep asking me what to write about. I suggest 'urban legends' in 21th century literature. Yes, stuffs like in The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, sort of. I dont really know much bout literature research but because I cant help he keeping ask me, so I guess that could be a way to stop him. I'm cruel sometimes. Forgive me little brother...
And he told me about Walking Dead series. Mungkin dia heran mengapa saya hanya menggilai serial Sherlock.
"Sudah season ke lima. Yang season satu sampai empat saya nonton cuma semalam," selorohnya bersemangat.
I just smiled...
"I love Game of Thrones!"
Tadi sempat ketemu Nida. Aku menemaninya mencari tiket pulang ke Nunukan. She was here for scholaraship things. I always pray for her braveheart... Not to mention that she's pregnant makes me think how dreams are worth fighting for. Isnt it honey...
Okay I'm getting better now. Thanks for reading this. Semoga hujan turun secepatnya, so I could feel more secure in this town.
Love always,
Emma
Kalo sudah cek di twitter, pasti sudah tau kenapa saya menuliskan ini untukmu. Semoga kabarmu baik. I started get bad again...
Tadi sempat lihat di Path ka riza dan Instagram ka jun... Kangennya setengah mati. But more than that, I miss our conversations, staring at the ceiling and spelling curses upon our 'you know who' :D
By the way... I am at pizza hut wrote this. I used to think food is the answer to every problem. Tonight I think drinking my all time favourite drink 'green tea shake' and hot lasagna could bring me some peace of mind.
I'm with Ilham, the only 'blood' brother I have around. Like every meet up, we dont talk much, bit awkward. Maybe I'm the one who keep the silence too much. Randomly he told me that last week he made a presentation in his '20th century literatures' class. Suprisingly, he know much about New World Order, you know maybe some kind of conspiracy theories. He should be friends with Matt Bellamy :D
Moreover, thankfully that I dont have to talk bout myself because I dont really want to, he told me about his favourite writer. Guess what, he loves JRR. Tolkien's Lord of the rings, though he hasn't read the whole saga. In the end I let him know that I'm deeply in love with Fitzgerald's Great Gatsby. He shrugged, katanya belum pernah baca hahaha.
He's on his way to final thesis. He keep asking me what to write about. I suggest 'urban legends' in 21th century literature. Yes, stuffs like in The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, sort of. I dont really know much bout literature research but because I cant help he keeping ask me, so I guess that could be a way to stop him. I'm cruel sometimes. Forgive me little brother...
And he told me about Walking Dead series. Mungkin dia heran mengapa saya hanya menggilai serial Sherlock.
"Sudah season ke lima. Yang season satu sampai empat saya nonton cuma semalam," selorohnya bersemangat.
I just smiled...
"I love Game of Thrones!"
Tadi sempat ketemu Nida. Aku menemaninya mencari tiket pulang ke Nunukan. She was here for scholaraship things. I always pray for her braveheart... Not to mention that she's pregnant makes me think how dreams are worth fighting for. Isnt it honey...
Okay I'm getting better now. Thanks for reading this. Semoga hujan turun secepatnya, so I could feel more secure in this town.
Love always,
Emma
17 October 2014
Still...
O January, you brought me to him, along with the cold morning breeze and stormy nights. The early days I will always be missing, which paint smiles at harsh time.
Never regret though.
Wish I photographed us, the only place we could be together through time. Till the picture becomes yellow or even blurred.
I'd never say always, for the future isn't mine.The only words now I only have is 'Still'. Whenever he ask me, my answer remains the same. No matter how far the past have left
and how fast the future comes over...
O January, you brought me to him, along with the cold morning breeze and stormy nights. The early days I will always be missing, which paint smiles at harsh time.
Never regret though.
Wish I photographed us, the only place we could be together through time. Till the picture becomes yellow or even blurred.
I'd never say always, for the future isn't mine.The only words now I only have is 'Still'. Whenever he ask me, my answer remains the same. No matter how far the past have left
and how fast the future comes over...
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